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cold november rain

today my friend chris who i worked with at salvation army came to hang out with me, he brought me goods from S.A. and had some of emili's random mexican fajita things that she made. it as lo-key but enjoyable company, i had a nice relaxed time.
my boyfriend is coming home at the end of the week, and i am SO ready to have him back home. i quit smoking yesterday, also. it's a little bit hard to believe (again) that it's november (again) and that next month is the end of the year.. crazy how quickly time passes.
so far i have enjoyed having my cousin here, even-tho it's only been fourty-eight hours. she said she was actually able to relax today and rest and i hope/think she'll really be feeling better from here out.
my grandmother bought my mom a fancy new computer for her birthday, i am excited for her and also for myself because this computer is so terribly old, and it's about time that she got something nice to enjoy.

halloween was lots of fun, i concocted myself a fabulous victorian dress with a bustle and some kid from the neighborhood told me i looked like a beautiful nightmare, which was awesome. andrew was betelgeuse, and his costume turned out awesome as well, and matt wore leiderhosen which was hilarious, he's a sport, and definitely has balls because i don't know too many other guys his age who'd rock leiderhosen with confidence. we all took turns passing out candy and we ran around showing our costumes to everybody's families. eventho nothing majorly exciting happened, i still had a great time. i missed zack tho and wished he could have been with us.

things feel exciting because everything is changing and shifting around... i can't wait to see what's gonna happen next, and eventhough i can't know for sure, i can definitely say that right now, i'm pretty happy in my life. which is good, and should be appreciated.

sad song last dance

and noone knows who the band was...
i love that it's almost halloween. everywhere the leaves on the trees are dying and falling as though they were on fire, the air is getting colder and everywhere you look on teevee there's horror movies and paranormal investigations (however ridiculous they may be) and everyone is pretending and dressing up and deciding what they'd like to be for one night. i haven't really given much thought to what i'd like to be on halloween, but i know sure as shit that my friend matt will be wearing leiderhosen.

on november 17th, 18th and 19th i am going with my friend pavlos to a flower of life workshop in ocean shores. i am excited to see pavlos, it honors me that he would chose me to take along. also, i am nervous and wondering what i will see there, because although i have had experiences in my life that i can not explain, i tend to come at things from a far more scientific angle these days... i hope i feel something new, maybe i can find a new way to understand everything. lots of other things in my life are changing around, so a new perspective should be kind of a given. my cousin is coming to live with me soon, but i don't know exactly when. i expect this next week, since she has to be out by the end of the month. i hope that her coming to live here will be a positive thing for her in her life, i need to clean my closet even more thoroughly so she can have room for her clothes and things.

i am thinking about quitting smoking so i will have more money- even if i were to cut back significantly i'd have more money, which would be good. of course, i do think about this from time to time, but haven't yet. so.. hm.

Sep. 7th, 2006

yesterday was fun. pavlos, his friend zaire and myself went to see matisyahu, and polyphonic spree was opening, which was a completely happy and awesome surprise. those guys are amazing. before the show i hung out with alex a bit and then pavlos and i ran into pirate thom, which was also a pretty random surprise. it was so excellent seeing pavlos, we might try and do something on sunday, before he goes back.

matisyahu was incredible, what more can i say? the positivity of his message was beautiful to experience in the flesh. at one point he talked a little bit about how god is so big that it can't be described, that it can't even comprehend itself, and that we are all just fractions of one uniting force experiencing itself, and me, pavlos and his friend let out some huge cheer unto ourselves and it was awesome, eventhough we were the only ones in the throng who cheered at that part. we all three danced like there was no tomorrow, and it felt so good. i was thoroughly rocked to the ends of time.

after the show we were starved from dancing, so we went on a questing journey to find an ihop, and then when we did we destroyed it with our hunger.

in general, things with me lately have been good. i am so happy to be back at my old job, especially after seeing how truly and utterly terrible some jobs can be, that i will gladly cashier crazy people and pick up tags from the floor and make sure i can do whatever i can to help out with no resentment what so ever, because i get to be surrounded by old stuff, and work with people i enjoy.

good action

tomorrow is my orientation at salvation army. i am so glad to be out of the food-service industry, because it was horrible and absolutley not meant for me. so yeah, rock. i have to wake up disgustingly early tomorrow, and be downtown by 8 am, which sucks, but will also be kind of an interesting adventure because the early morning world is not one that i get to see too often. i think they'll have me start friday.
i got another wizard tattooed on my right arm, actually a witch this time.. i'm pleased w/ it, have to go back for touch-ups soon.

my friend pavlos and i are going to go see matisyahu on sept. 6th, which is going to be awesome. i am dying of excitement.

do the pirate hustle!

i'm thinking of going back to work for salvation army- i was really happy there and i could start selling vintage again, which is something i want to get back into the habit of because it's an excellent and fun way to supplement my income. i had alot of personal pride for that store, and can't wait to see how things turn out in this situation, because i have no problem working hard for them. it wasn't just a store i worked at, i felt like it was my store.
tomorrow at some point i'm going in to fill out an application and see what's goin on up in that beeotch.

we don't have t.v. right now, but apparently some guy went into a jewish faith center today and shot a bunch of people right here in seattle. this is a horrible, horrible ugly thing that's happened and i am so sorry for all those people who got hurt or had a member of their family hurt, it's just terrible.
so i'm reading 'demian' by herman hesse, and once again, i am finding it excellent. the meditations and conclusions and ideas that the character encounters are beautifully articulated, and i find it to be especially relevant to where i am in my life right now.. but i think that can be applicable to any good book.. because that's what makes it a good book, right?
in any case, this book has helped me articulate a few things of my own inside me that seemed to be un-nameable, like i've been able to figure out what's been bothering me about my need to let go of some of the people that meant a great deal to me for a long time, almost like the person that i had been to them had changed and wasn't the same person aymore or, the person inside of the roles that i played for those people had shifted around inside of it somehow and climbed out untill that role was just a hollow shell with noone inside it at all, and it had started to crumble.. i don't know that this is going to make any sence to anyone other than me, but in simple terms, my descision to extricate myself from adam, and from kristina, from noah, from the culture of this neighborhood, and from who i have been in the past was excellent for me because i'm growing again.
one thing that this book touches on that i really appreciate is the necessity for destruction within the pattern of our world and it's natural systems and within ourselves, because it doesn't have to be a bad thing or a good thing when you simply stop and accept that it is some thing.

i have to take a shower now.

uncle fester

i took a long nap and feel marvelously rested, only now i'll probably be inclined to stay up, which is okay.. that's what nyquil is for. i get paid tomorrow which is excellent, because i ran out of money today. i'm also getting an extra thirty dollars to sit as the figure study for an art class tomorrow morning at the library from ten untill noon. because i've never done this before, i have little to no expectations about how it's supposed to be, but am looking forward to it. i'd like to get my little umbrella tattooed into a skull and crossbones, maybe the slight ammount of extra money can help me with that.
i have been spending alot of time with zack, at his, andrew and erica's place. it's excellent. i want to take him to the art museum, because he hasn't been but wants to go and it's been ages since i've gone, so i'm going to ask him if he'd like to go with me on tuesday, which is my next day off after today.
i wish i had some dr. pepper or other similar sugary drink to consume... but alas.
i just woke up from a very long nap. it was excellent and i feel completely restored. job is good, friends are great. i have the next two days off, fuck yeah. pirates of the carribbean 2 was excellent, i want to see it again.
delirium dances: burgundy. I think I'm going to make a shirt that says "only mother beer can save me now."
CzarinaCry: yeah, thatd be a great shirt
delirium dances: I wonder what I should do.
CzarinaCry: about your shirt?
delirium dances: about me brain.
delirium dances: I'm reading lost souls.
CzarinaCry: ah, yer brain. yea i dunno mate. drink more?
CzarinaCry: ARE YOU SERIOUS. LOL
CzarinaCry: that book.
delirium dances: it seems to be helping.
delirium dances: yeah. I found it at a yardsale for free, and I was like, "HOLY SHIT!"
CzarinaCry: the book or hte drinking?
CzarinaCry: i havent read that book in years and years
delirium dances: ...drinking. not like, "my soul is wounded, let me heal myself with gay vampires."
CzarinaCry: LOLOLOLOLOL
i took a nap and now i am very awake and it's the night time. i have tomorrow off so i will probably stay up being vampire-y. zac called to see what i'm up to, he's going to come by later. last night we stayed up late with a bottle of wine and had this kick ass hours long conversation about eveything from religion to philosophy to reincarnation to whatever else. it was excellent and i had a rockin time. the more oppertunities i have to converse with him the more i see his intelligence and it's really really really appealing.

i don't care much that it's the fourth of july, i was thinking of how if america had never gained it's own from britian we'd all be way more drunk than we usually are as a country, have really fucked up teeth and strange pop music from india. fireworks are pretty and dangerous.

today i went to salvation army and visited my old co-worker/friend vicki. i got some pretty dresses and some black clothes for work, a few really nicely cut skirts and this really nicely cut black button up shirt. i'm trying to look more sophisticated and more my age, but i've noticed that since i've started wearing more tailored stuff and more black stuff, people are less inclined to mistake me for some teenage kid and more inclined to treat me like a young adult, which is what i am.

today i went to lunch with kelly and it was good and comforting to be with her, even if it was only for a little while. while we were walking i said, all off-handedly that i wished it would rain and seriously? right after that it thundered and this torrential downpour soaked us both to the bones practically. it was funny and shocking. strange weather.